Space Jump Response
Wow! That was such an amazing dive! Before he jumped, I could tell that he was very anxious and scared. Well if that was me, I would have chickened out right away. That man even broke the sound barrier! His diving speed was over 10 minutes long and he went more than 1000Km/h! That was so awesome.
I think that man was really brave to do that. First of all, he had to go through the enormous amount of fears. His Suit might rip open and he would die in burning heat. His oxygen breathing system could have gone wrong and he might have suffocated, and hundreds of other things. His percentage of dying in this dive was more than 50%! Yet he dared to do this humongous dive! Oh man, just looking at him made me feel nervous and scared. When he actually landed safely, I couldn’t believe it! This brave man survived that dive! When he reached the land and safety, I bet you he was thanking everything because he didn’t die and landed safely.
I feel really good for that guy from Red Bull. He actually broke a sound barrier in his 10 minute epic dive! He even landed safely without getting hurt. Since he didn’t die, I feel good for him. Now he’s going to be really famous throughout the world! Well for someone that risked his life to jump from outer space, I feel great that he lived and no tragedy happened. I love happy endings, but I hate bad endings. I am proud of that man for accomplishing his mission and not dying.
Jun
ReplyDeleteGood to see your first post. I like the multi-paragraphing as that is what we will be working towards. You include several peices of information that present as factual (particularly numbers). To strengthen your post hyperlink the sources for your numbers as this will add validity for your readers to know that you are getting your information from reputable sources like NASA rather than you sister's best friend's blog.
I also enjoyed some of your very expressive vocabulary as it helps to capture your emotional response.
Some reminders: Try to maintain a consistent formal tone - meaning avoud the conversational tone which is more obvious with words like "Well,...) It is also a good idea to refer to the subject of your post by name rather than "that guy."
Thanks, Ms Lees. I forgot his name so I just wrote "that guy". Thank you for the reminders. I was still learning how to write properly and your reminders just helped me out. I will try to write as you suggested. Thanks!
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